You Probably Need It Like a Hole in the Head

Querying sucks. On 16/05/25, I signed a contract and ended one of the more mentally unpleasant stretches of my adult life. This blog isn’t here to talk about stats or go on a long story about my journey here, because I think everyone’s stats look different and to be honest, any kind of request is a good result in the present climate. As for the life story, this is a public blog! I haven’t even done a face reveal yet. Instead I’ll be sharing my letter and talking a bit about staying healthy in the trenches.

The Letter

Based on your interest in the darker side of fiction and literary language with genre hooks, I'd like to introduce CYANOSIS, a 98k science-fiction novel with a queernormative secondary world facing environmental collapse. It will appeal to lovers of Adrian Tchaikovsky's CITY OF LAST CHANCES, Jeff VanderMeer's ANNIHILATION and Chris McKinney’s MIDNIGHT, WATER CITY.

Trigger has night terrors, amnesia, and a cyan infection changing him into an unknown species. In need of work, and searching for clues about his past, he follows a stranger to a laboratory in the sea beneath the city. When a forbidden prayer protocol promises to recover his memories, Trigger risks tearing a hole in his head to learn who – or what – he is.

Meanwhile, Detective Inspector Kioki NicLeòid uncovers a murder scene while investigating a wyvern wanted for petty crimes. Determined to prove that she is still the skilled detective she once was, she uncovers the wyvern’s connection to her own past: to the laboratory she closed down after it took her child from her. Kioki must find her suspect before the reborn laboratory silences them, and tears another family apart.

Above and below the sea, Trigger and Kioki draw closer to the truth behind a disaster five years ago, when a vainglorious experiment contacted an entity hidden inside the human soul. Because when a prayer is made with scientific precision, it is answered with a fury that wipes all data from cyberspace.

I am a molecular biologist with a PhD in virology, and was author Jackson’s Ford’s 2024 mentee for this novel. My poetry is featured in two anthologies and my short story, “What She Did to the Moon”, has been accepted for publication at Cold Open Stories. CYANOSIS brings my experiences as [here I tied aspects of the novel to my own life, explaining why I'm the one to tell this story], and incorporates my knowledge of cellular biology into its magic system.

Thanks for your consideration,

Morgan (he/they)

The first thing to note is that, according to a lot of advice, I probably should have said what CYANOSIS has in common with my comps. For example, ANNIHILATION is a by-word for eco-horror right now, but I’m referring more to the Southern Reach itself and the Weird Fiction elements, as well as its sort-of-commercial, sort-of-literary placement. CITY OF LAST CHANCES features a city as a character in its own right. I chose two recent comps that aren’t diastrously big and one perfect, but old and very popular, comp. Those who know me from pitch events know I comp PERDIDO STREET STATION from time to time, but it’s quite old now.

What She Did to the Moon is out now, by the way; this query was sent while it was going through edits. Have a read!

Anyone reading this knows the drill by now. CYANOSIS is a complex book and it took a lot of effort to keep the interesting, unique elements in while distilling it to its hook, especially with two POVs that don’t follow the same plot thread from the start. My aim here was to make people curious enough to look at the pages. The pages do a lot of heavy lifting establishing tone, voice, setting and stuff, so I was confident that if they got that far, they’d know if CYANOSIS would be something they’d like to represent or not. I kept it short: stakes, goals, voice. Relevant biographical details. Sorted.

I was told to stop using the vainglorious in there, but I like the word and I do what I want.

Mental Health

Querying sucks. In fact so much that it made me ill. Without getting too into the weeds, I have a pretty broken brain. The list of things wrong with it could be confused for a weekly shopping list.

I first started submitting my written works around in my late teens. Despite my age I tended to get onto longlists or personalised rejections from the markets I sent to. But I still got used to rejection. Going into querying, I was old enough to have been brutally let down dozens of times. The first few rejections were water off a duck’s back. So it surprised me when, despite the mentorship, I had a ‘needs time off work’ level period of ill mental health in January. I felt like I’d broken through by getting the mentorship and improved the story immensely, and returning to the same old ‘thanks, but no thanks’ made me realise something.

It isn’t enough to write a good book. Or even a great one. It sunk in that this process doesn’t necessarily reward hard work, skill, talent, not originality or sincerity or any of that. If you take one thing away from this screed it’s that crashing out of querying doesn’t make you a bad writer. There’s just so many good writers in the running right now. The fact so many writers publish their first book as their second after snagging an agent release tells you it wasn’t the first book’s failings that led to it missing the mark.

• Start the next thing. I didn’t because working full time, querying and writing the next book was more than I could cope with, and that was a mistake. I should have slowed down.
• Reward yourself for rejection milestones. 50 rejections? Good work putting yourself out there, go for a day trip or get yourself a coffee. Whatever is within your means and ability.
• Build a community. We’ll get onto that in the next section, but this is non-negotiable. Find people querying or looking to query. You need people who understand how emotional it can be.
• Separate querying inbox. Do as I say, not as I do. The week after my offer, the QueryTracker weekly bulletin scared the shit out of me!
• If you’re physically able, do write a journal in pen and ink. You necessarily write slower, which helps to manage and regulate thoughts. It sounds silly but it really did help me and now serves as a record of my mental peaks and troughs.

Pitch Events

Most of you reading this will know me from the pitch event circuit. I am the guy who runs around stuffing everyone’s pitches in his mouth. Overall I got 6 agent likes during pitch events and 1 agent’s guide like from a small press. None of them were from my agent. Of those seven, one ghosted me, four form rejected me, one liked it but already had a similar work with their client. The last rejection came after my offer due to time concerns, so we’ll never know if it might have gone a bit differently!

However, I don’t regret doing pitch events. I think we all agree that there are too many right now and they’re too saturated but, now and again, they’re a wonderful way to meet new people and share positivity. I would always encourage people to do them. And don’t focus on the numbers, you can’t control that. Just go yell at people. I felt happier when people were moved by what I said to them than when I got industry engagement, if I’m honest.

We write to feel seen. You don’t need an industry professional to be the one seeing you. Just keep that in mind.

Don’t Self Reject

That’s the main bit of advice. I won’t be posting stats or doing a ‘HIGMA’. Query widely to whoever you’d like to work with. Apply to mentorships if the mentor seems remotely like they’d be interested in your thing (mine said he usually doesn’t go in for things like CYANOSIS but it surprised him anyway). Unless they’re specifically requesting not to be sent certain material, MSWLs can be a crapshoot. The agent I signed with ended up being a good fit from their MSWL but that was after double digits of perfect MSWLs who did not want CYANOSIS, even ones asking for books comping to my main comps. And it isn’t because the book’s shit. It’s just the way of things.

My fulls were about 50/50 ‘good fits’ to ‘takes my genre, I guess’. None of the agents describing in intense detail the exact things in my novel wanted to see more.

I got a mentorship and after it was done, I sent a query in the usual way, and I did an R&R, and then I signed. No pitch events, no conferences, just QueryManager and a prayer. Like a lot of people with their first book, I queried too early. I think everyone does. We’re all soft little ducklings not realising how competetive it is out there. Luckily, I got a reality check from a friend willing to be very brutally honest with me and pulled back for serious revisions before I burned too many bridges.

As a member of the #SmallPitch team (we have a Discord which you are totally welcome to join…) I also had my eye on indie presses and subbed to a few. I found them much more responsive than agents and know several friends who happily went down this avenue. Agents aren’t the only way!

Love

I got my agent because I sent a query. I survived the process because I made good friends. Be there for people. Writers are such amazing, warm, dedicated and compassionate folks. Show up for your friends when they need you and don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Even if you don’t get an agent, you’ll be glad for the friends you made. I’ve met people I hope to be sharing good news with for the rest of my life. And in the dark days, my old friends stood by me and never budged an inch.

Stay kind. Keep dreaming. I’ll see you in the next post!

• Mog